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Saturday, 31 May 2003
JeNnY JeNnY
FUck boys! Fuck them to bloody hell! Jenny's here. Jenny's great. I love me some Jenny. Love me some Jenny...fuck what everyone thinks. We're royalty baby.
Posted by anothergurlsparadise
at 3:49 PM EDT
Friday, 30 May 2003
CraZy
You know...start a suicide journal on the net, with your most intimate and deep thoughts of self doubt and self hatred and see how many people respond. Alot of people have sent me anti-suicide emails. Which I am thankful for. But I can't stop my head from self destruction. Today it's spinning with images of seashell christmas trees, my 14th birthday cake, dusty throwing an empty liquor bottle against the wall, me on my hands and knees puking up cheap wine, my bedroom when I was 12 decorated in peach and cream...I just want to die. I'm so tired of this life. Of not having anything. Of not having what I want. No way to get it.
Posted by anothergurlsparadise
at 9:13 AM EDT
Thursday, 29 May 2003
Tori Amos makes me want to die...
Okay the girl I have been in love with for two years is in love too. With some girl in Indiana. No matter what I always told myself she would be there. She would wait for me. We would make it work. Genesis carried the message. I called her. It was confirmed. He was happy about it. I am not. What the fuck is going on in my head. Why am I not okay. A bottle of canadian club, a hot bath, tori amos floating through the air, a few bottles of sleeping pills, and a razor. I'm so alone. Everyone I love leaves me. My mom, her my goddess of love (aphrodites zoo), and Genesis. I want to die. I want to fucking die.
Posted by anothergurlsparadise
at 11:46 AM EDT
TwiN EartH
OH yeah! I forgot the show last night was awesome- that band ANytime in July was real good. I got to catch up with a lot of people I haven't seen in a while. And um excuse me but that little Megan girl is so fucking jealous and I don't know why. I hate girls who act that way towards me just because I was Dusty's roomate. I mean god, you don't even fucking know me. TW and Jason were real cool though.
Posted by anothergurlsparadise
at 10:06 AM EDT
Wednesday, 28 May 2003
wiTh aLl mY HeArT
Okay...sooo tonight's going to be cool. Last night me and Brandy rode around Waycross for the longest time listening to the radio and talking about crazy girl shit. We stopped by Litza's and hung out there for a little while, bitched about how crazy Sara Keefe is. Then Rick and Jonathan were suppose to come over but didn't show up. So then we sat around the house and watched the telly. THEN Brandy had to leave :( Anyways- I guess I'm headed to the mall to find something to wear tonight. Or I might just go to the Army and see if they have anything cool or what. I think I'm getting a job soon. I hope so anyways. I've been scanning pictures all day to send to Genesis. I think that like things are getting settled in and I love my new friends, seriously. BUt I do wish I had my old friends back- all of them. Okay just got off the phone anyways...I do miss my old friends. I don't like being a little fish in a big pond! I was once the BIG FISH oh well. Why am I comparing myself to a fish...lol Anyways I'm headed out now so that all the happy Waycross mall shoppers can have something to stare at. Later.
Posted by anothergurlsparadise
at 10:19 AM EDT
Tuesday, 27 May 2003
SumMerTiME
Man...I need to get out and find a job. I'm feeling so down today. It's a suicidal day for sure. I need a job. I hate life. I miss someone very much right now. I miss myself very much right now...
Posted by anothergurlsparadise
at 10:35 AM EDT
Monday, 26 May 2003
apoLogiEs...
oKaY- This is my plea to the gods or great spirits of the universe... I promise to be a better person. I promise to no longer @#%$! around with guys heads. I promise to not lose my temper and say hurtful things to my friends on purpose (I'm SO sorry Dusty) I promise to not take anything for granted. I promise to not cheat on anyone anymore...(I'm SO SO SO SO SO sorry Jake) I promise to not drink anymore (I'm SOOSOSOOSOSO SOrry everybody who was at my house when I spazzed out and cussed at ya'll) I make this vow on my soul. I feel really bad... I'm sorry everybody. I don't know what's wrong with me...I just am holding a lot of @#%$! inside of me that I shouldn't be and I get offended and angry very easily. Actually I'm the saddest girl to hold a martini right now. I @#%$! things up with Rick and with Jake. Rick I don't know what to think of you, I don't like the fact that you don't kiss and that you're crazy sometimes and you boss me around. Jake I don't like the fact that you insult everything I say that makes me different. If you don't like all the things that make me different from other girls why hang out with me?! Go hang out with THEM. Allen I'm sorry I led you to believe I had feelings for you other than friendship...I'm SO sorry. Dusty I'm sorry I said these things in a journal entry- if you ever read this lol I was pissed off and I'm a spoiled brat you were all happy to talk to me while you were DRUNK but otherwise you made me feel stupid and unimportant then when you come to town you don't call or come to see me, I guess our friendship did end that Sunday morning when you left the house... I'm sorry you guys. I love you all so very much. I'm feeling real down about all of this. No more alcohol for me. I promise.
Posted by anothergurlsparadise
at 8:16 PM EDT
Saturday, 24 May 2003
CamEl LigHtS
Rick...oh rick. Okay so I guess I should get this out of my system. I really like Rick. I think he's real cool. And I guess we're doing the whole dating thing now. Which is weird. Because I've never spent this much time with him and like I don't know I have never enjoyed laying next to someone as much as I do him. He's my best friend. Well ONE of my best friends. Today we went and hung out at the mall which was hilarious because he doesn't like social situations. We mostly just rode around. Went by Sara's but she wasn't at home. I really need to hurry up and get a job. It could become a life saving thing seriously. I need a job to pay my debts to society. Man I want my lip pierced. Man I wish I were in a different town tonight. And I wish that I were a different person. Oh well.
Posted by anothergurlsparadise
at 9:56 PM EDT
Friday, 23 May 2003
DISSappointment
Okay- so here is why I'm never taking up for Dusty again as long as I live and why I agree with every single bad thing anyone has ever said about him and have made a solemn vow to never speak to him as long as I live! I fucking worked my ass off trying to find a way to get ahold of him. THEN after all day I finally do! Woohoo! And um excuse me but why did he have a fucking atittude about me knowing his lame ass cell phone number?! I mean gawd Dusty. I'm all happy to try to help you out to hang out with this band LOOKING FOR A LEAD SINGER who is ALREADY SIGNED AND READY TO TOUR and what do you do?! You fucking make me feel like shit. Okay so that's fine. I hope you're miserable everyday you wake up next to that ugly bitch you followed like a love sick lame puppy to wherever it is that you are and awww she's going to get you in another garage band so you can be happy ever after in your little imaginary rock star life. AND THEN I bitch about it to my friends and they're like why are you still even messing with him? So I feel real stupid. I hate garage band rock stars who fuck ugly girls and hang out with lame ass potheads. Sigh.
Posted by anothergurlsparadise
at 9:44 AM EDT
Thursday, 22 May 2003
CaNadiaN CluB
Okay me and Jake have discovered Canadian club and man if you haven't then piss on you! I'm like feeling so awesome tonight. We talked to Rick Bennett today. He's so much cooler than I had ever thought. Anyways- Rick's band is playing WEDS. AT TWIN EARTH. It's nothing but covers but they're fucking awesome so we're going to check it out. I can't wait. I'm totatly sporting my tie tonight and ugh Jake made fun of it. lol. I'm going to put a screw on it and be like SCREW THE MAN they keep us kids down. lol. I'm feeling suicidal today. WAY suicidal. Oh well maybe I'll pass out soon or better yet get piss ass drunk and Rick's coming over in just a little bit so that should be interesting because he informed me today that me and him are seeing each other LOL hahaha oh gawd. Anyways I'm going to go and pay some attention to my manly man. LatEr ;)
Posted by anothergurlsparadise
at 9:02 PM EDT
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